A Tale of Three "Oscopies"

The big day came, off to London again. This time we had to be there for 2pm. "Super Glenda" a very good friend of ours and the Mrs fix-it of our transport problems during the last year, offered once again, to transport us to our latest destination. (Big thanx Super-G)

Kayla arrived at the RM on the afternoon of the 24th very anxious and worried about the medical procedures that were going to carry out. The ward staff soon had her settling in and calming down (the 2 diazipam I slipped her also helped). Next the team visited and told her exactly what they were going to do in graphic detail. Kayla, the brave bunny and well read medical mind that she is asked many technical questions. I sat in the corner trying not to faint and make a total arse of myself!

The anesthetist visited next, fur coat, scarf, handbag ever sooooo Knightsbridge/Kensington. Casually she asked Kayla, "how long have you had the heart problem?" HEART PROBLEM!!!! WHAT HEART PROBLEM????? The Pre-Op ECG showed Kayla had some sort of abnormality! A problem commonly found in "Old Folks". It manifests itself with symptoms such as breathlessness, the inability to climb stairs or walk far and vacuum cleaner operation disfunctionality. Gulp! she has been displaying the VCO disfunctionality since I met her the ECG must be right! In addition you develop an enlarged heart! Big hearted as my wife is this was getting ridiculous. A second ECG was ordered and an Xray to check the vastness of her heart.

Kayla was not happy about this, today of all days she was not nauseous and was quite peckish! To add insult to injury we were about to go out and have have a Chinese meal!!!! That's my Kayla more interested in a meal than an enlarged triple sized heart problem. She was soon smiling again as the on-call Radiologist was in her words "mighty fine eye candy!!!" fresh from the gym lean, mean and a little sweaty! (not my type!!! or preferred gender)

We had a nice meal if a little subdued and headed back to the RM. I invited Kayla back to my £38/night hospitalshoebox accommodationnn for coffee and a cuddle. She declined my offer and we headed back to her en-suite, single room with TV and fridge. I tucked her in and stroked her face and hair until she fell asleep.

She was first on the list in the morning (Due to her latex allergy). I had an anxious sleepless night, Kayla had a sleeping tablet and slept like a log. I gave her a quick phone call at 7:30am to say I Love You, I then got on with some Olympic standard worrying and fretting.

Everything went well, alaproscopyy, a cystoscopy, and a sigmoidoscopy meant that her female body cavities had a BBC film crew inserted and the interior inspected, surveyed and sampled. In addition to the plethora of tissue samples taken the team removed lots of adhesions caused by previous surgery....OUCH. I was a brave boy and did not faint when the Onc Nurse described each procedure to me in gory detail. Kayla didn't get back to the ward until 13:45 by this time I had wrung my hands so much I developed RSI!!! and had seriously damaged the tiled floor with my incessant pacing! She seemed very groggy and I assumed had suffered acute nausea. I arrived at the previous conclusions because she was no longer nagging or bossing me and there was sick on the pillow and in her hair!!! Eeeewwwwwww!

She soon perked up and as a special treat showed me her three newlaproscopyy holes in her tummy (oh the joy!) Not one for feeling sorry for herself, she was soon up and trotting about demanding the removal of the catheter andintravenouss lines whilst munching on a malted milk biscuit. Amazing, this woman is amazing. She ate supper, took a peepeee and entertained her acutely worried Mother and Sister. "Shabba" the Sister-Mother of Kayla (Sister-Mother = younger Sister with deluded personality trait whereby they assume a motherly figure even to Mother let alone big Sister!!) had arrived! "Shabba" the "Queen of Hygiene", the protector of the latex allergy, the "eagle eyed" auditor of clinical practices, and above all the CEO of worrying. She is the only person that can make my Olympic Standard worrying look pathetic in the extreme.

The Onc team returned later and told us that everything went as planned, with the "pathology" results on the manybiopsiess taken will be available on Monday. Providing the biopsy results are negative, surgery will be planned for early Feb. At this point in time the bladder will have to go, but good news, the bowel looks as if it will stay to fight another day.

weirdd bit is, the second ECG confirmed that Kayla does indeed have a heart abnormality! Can't remember the exact name (big word very medical a something .. something ..Somethingg .. block?) as there are no symptoms apparent at this time (except for the house work disfunctionality) there is nothing to worry about, but she will be seeing a cardiologist after this adventure ends.

Surgery over, Kayla felt bruised, battered and finally sleepy, "Its like I've been hit by a train, not a little sprinter, no, a bloody big American double decker one! she deftly put it, as I asked her how she felt. I slept much better that night.

Thursday time to leave. They must have thought Kayla had been just too brave during the last few days because just as we were leaving the ward a message came in that she had to go up to the Ultrasound Suite for a Lymph Node scan. One node took theirinterestt, so using a needle they drained fluid from it!!!

Kayla now has in total eight new holes made in her body and has flashed her nether regions to about a dozen strange men! We are back to see the urologist next week and to get the pathology results and we will see the Onc team the week after to plan surgery.

She is tired, sore, but glad to be home and still positive. She will now rest, surf and mentally prepare herself for the next chapter of her epic voyage!

P.S They took Kayla straight into the theatre (coz of the latex allergy) fully awake and with no pre-med. She found it really weird, the last thing she saw before being knocked out was a message on a whiteboard in front of her that read

"The limb has been put in the mortuary"!!!!!!!!