Of Pets and Prisoners.........

After all of those recent horrific nights, Kayla had a relatively comfortable sleep on Monday. Manageable pain and only a few hundred trips to the toilet. "Tommy the Turnip" (our pet name for the tumour) is pressing against the bladder and giving kayla the sensation of a never ending need to pee-pee.

(I hope that we don't offend anybody by naming Kayla's disease but if you stay 100% serious, 100% of the time you will run the risk of a total mental breakdown)

Tuesday morning. After breakfast (fruit salad and malted milk biscuits) we are chatting about what to get Zak (that's the youngest of our ginger offspring....see the last post for his picture!) for his 10th birthday. Zak wants a pet (Gulp) "MJ" suggested a Rabbit or a Guinea pig, I suggested a Tortoise, Kayla suggested a PSP game, as by May he would have forgotten the urge fo a "smelly sh*te-machine" (her words!)

Zak is away at Boarding School so a robust and independent pet is what is needed. I do not have the patience or time to take on another demanding, biting, scratching, wild animal at this time in my life........ Kayla is more than enough!..... (you want to see the mucking out! Eeewwww!)

Kayla mentioned fish. What a great idea! We love fish, Kayla will sit for hours watching tropical fish. They are calming, tranquil and I am sure will aid sleep, recuperation and mental health! What a great idea. Why didn't I think of it! DOH!

We have always had some form of aquarium throughout the millenia of our marriage. You know the normal stuff that two people in true, deep and meaningful love like to keep........... Pirahana, deadly sea snakes, Crocodiles, Great White Sharks, Tasmanian Mud Vipers, Electric Eels! (Well fluffy little Guppies and all those nice happy fish you see in the waiting rooms of the medical profession)

We had a fish tank in the garage but that wouldn't do. It was the wrong colour. Kayla had changed the dining suite 200,000 times since then. The "current" dining suite was oak the tank was teak!

As Kayla was feeling OK"ish" we jumped in the car and went to Oxford in search of aquatic suppliers. This was the first time out of the house for Kayla since the last surgery and it had been about three weeks before that. On route to Oxford on the M40, Kayla was going downhill fast. Her nausea was increasing so was the fatigue and pain. We had medicine and Kayla soldiered on. By the time we found the shop Kayla was in a bad way. She is one of the most dogged people I have ever met, talk about true grit.

If you have never been in an aquarium shop you will not understand the next bit. These shops have a very powerful aroma.........Humid, fishy, wiffy..... with an undertone of germinating pondweed and hints of damp swamp. (No tanins berries or crisp fruitiness anywhere)

With acute nausea and her heightened sense of smell, she walked around a shop with over 300 open fish tanks. I am not kidding when I say Kayla's sense of smell is like a blood hound.

(has anyone else experienced post Chemo heighteded sense of smell?..... if so please comment so that Kayla will know that it is common and not feel alone)

I was gagging at the wiff and I am not ill. "MJ" loved it, knocking on the front all the tanks marked "please do not knock on this tank" and scooping out Pirahnas shouting "Look at the teeth on this bugger!" Yep Kayla's mother had a great time. Kayla soldiered on and took care of business.

To make things worse we headed home through the Oxford rush hour(s). Kayla was green when we got back. Its only 26 miles but it took for ever. She took to her bed with an ominous silence. I went to lay with her and could tell although exhausted she was angry and upset.

"What is up with me?" she asked, "I am an invalid!....... why have I gone downhill so fast?" I had no answers.

"I am a prisoner in my own home" she said getting even more angry, "I just want this f****ing thing cut out of me and my life back!"

Grabbing her magazine she went for a bath I gave her some space.