Let the Good Times Roll

Hi all Its me!!!!!

(Stu......the one with "writers runs" This is an epic but a very happy epic!)

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or

As the bloke shouted as he left the plastic surgery department.........

"Happy New Ears!!!"

Well, our year has started off very well, very well indeed.

We have just returned home after a very busy but successful 4 day stay at the Royal Marsden. Our GP phoned last week and told me that Kayla's HB was down to 7! Although this explained why she was so tired all of the time she was not breathless as one would expect.

I took this news as a personal insult. The GP told me to give her lots of protein which I had complied with! She was on a chicken, lamb chop, steak and beef diet that would have given Fatty Arbuckle bloody heartburn! I was the mummy Golden Eagle and she was my chick. She squawked and I fed her flesh! My garden is ruined from the flock of sheep, chicken and "Doris the cow" that were living there in order to ensure a 24/7 supply of fresh carnivoral delights! However, this story turns out that my culinary skills were not at fault it was my new arch enemy that was causing the problem!

The Marsden moved things forward by a day so we went in on monday as opposed to Tuesday. The Marsden no longer have an admissions dept......oh no......... you arrive at a place called "Transitional Care" you are given tea and biccies a comfy seat and there you wait for a wee while until a nurse calls you into a room, checks you in and then escorts you to you ward. No more sitting in the day room waiting for your bed, more like a hotel lobby!

We thought we had wandered into the private patients lounge!!!!

Once on the ward we had our first good news. Kayla's new "Gastro" consultant popped in and told us that the results from Kayla's "Poopy" sample had proven beyond doubt what he initially had diagnosed. Great news we thought!

Even better though..................it was fixable!

Even better than even better and I can't beleive it's not butter was the fact that.................NO!! Surgery was needed!!

Yep, Kayla has acute pancreatic disfunction. The pancreas is a wonderful if ugly little blighter! It has two major reasons for being. It produces insulin and special digestive enzymes that alow you to break down fats in order to gain protein. I should have realised that the pancreas was to blame as when we were just going out with each other I used to say to myself

"sexy bum, lovely hair, nice legs, good kisser....... shame about the pancreas!"

This naughty pancreas started off as a kind and good pancreas but Radiotherapy and maybe Chemo turned it bad....bad ....bad!

So now when Kayla eats she cannot digest any kind of fat so therefore cannot gain protein! So the tons and tons of meat, fish, nuts, milk, cheese, Ice cream, chocolate, pot noodle, twigs, tinfoil and dust, that I had been cooking to perfection for her had given her no goodness at all. Phew at least it wasn't my cooking! Oh and by the way 3 of the food stuffs I mentioned arn't a source of protien can you guess which? (clue one rhymes with "hot poodle")

The fat just passed right through her coating her intestines and limiting the absorbtion of everything else such as carbs, water, magnesium, pottasium and calcium!!!!! The penny dropped! looks like this evil git of a pancreas is the root of all Kayla's recent problems!

The fix is simple a drug called Creon taken with every meal puts back the enzymes and breaks down fat! Sooooooooo Simple!!

Kayla has noticed a difference already the colostomy output is much less greasy and she has not been sick for ages! Imagine all that undigested grease and fat in your tummy! It must be like equivelent of a couple of large double donner kebabs floating around in there!!! Eeeeeeewwwww say the ladies!! Yum-Yum says I!

Next good news was Kayla's HB was up to nearly 10 so only 2 units of blood given.

Next good news.......The detailed report of the MRI showed nothing different or "Sinister" as they say.

Then it was onto the EUA (Examination Under Anesthetic) and the telescopic viewing of her "downstairs lady garden" (Is it just me or do you dear reader think that when they say telescopic examination......I imaginge the doctor in one building with a telescope and Kayla in another building with her "DLG" pressed against the window?????????) I need help!!~!

Good News......The team were very very positive about the results no obvious recurrence just lots and lots of scarring they took some biopsies though just to be safe, and finished by jet washing the pelvic cavity. Job done!

Great News......... The team are happy with what they saw and don't want to see kayla for 3 months!!!!!!! This is a milestone 3 Months!!!! so far with her problems, it's been more like 3 week intervals with about seven months plus of the last 2 years actually in hospital!

Lucky Old Me............ The only downside of the entire trip was on the first night, my room in the hospital family accomodation had not been cleaned. So presented with room full of crispy tissues (felt like snot) a wiffy pillow (smelt of greasy hair) and a soiled bed (tasted like wee!), I was not a happy bunny. I put the douvet on the floor and slept just in my boxers and ski jacket. Needless to say in the morning I made my way to the facilities office. And, after a robust and honest exchange of ideas........I did not look at it as a complaint more like me highlighting (bluntly) an opportunity for improvement!!!!! Needless to say I received no bill and a big fat appology from the manager. (Don't mess with a QA dude!) Apart from that and the 3 hour delay in transport everything was spiffing (whatever that means!) the Royal Marsden was faultless!!!!!!

I don't wanna tempt fate but I really hope that we are in for some good luck for a change........................I need a bloody rest!

If I wasn't bald already I would be by now!!!!

Take Care

Stu XXX