Cleanliness is Next to Godliness

If the old proverb, "Cleanliness is next to Godliness" is in fact true, then Kayla is becoming more venerable everyday. You see Kayla is always on the look out for anything that will ease her pain or nausea. She has recently been researching “aromatherapy” especially the usage of essential oils whilst bathing. I was sceptical to say the least and thought it was all very expensive mumbo-jumbo! Within a few days I could see that the aromatherapy did have some real benefits.

During the wee small hours when Kayla is in agony a hot bath containing various oils can work wonders (as well as keep her scrupulously clean)

This sudden fascination with the bathroom and its warming foamy contents is getting a little out of hand. But I suppose it does have its bonuses. One, it eases the pain, two it reduces her stress levels and three it breaks up the daily arse-ache of Groundhog Day.

So how does she do it? Various oils in the morning bath perk Kayla up! Then the 10:00 am bath stimulates the appetite and is a warm up for the lunchtime bathing session. This involves a cool bath if lunch is salad or fruit, a hot bath if lunch is a warm dish and a gritty horrible bath if lunch consists of Malted Milk Biscuits!! Numerous afternoon baths can follow dependant on the pain levels. The serious bathing starts in the evening. These baths use that crazy essential oil Lavender. I thought the whole concept of aromatherapy was a load of old “pants”. Something that bead wearing, tree hugging, lefty, peace protestors were into.

Kayla challenged me to take a bath in this calming “witches brew”. I took up the challenge, and lowered my 16 stone frame into the hot sweet smelling water thinking, “What effect can a few drops of purple poncey flower juice do to me?” I am a “roughty-toughty” military man. I started a Sudoku puzzle, I filled in a few numbers then started to drift and relax……..“Slap my arse and call me Shirley” I was calmer than a Rastafarian cigarette salesman on a Caribbean beach! Blimey this stuff is serious gear! Apparently MJ only got a whiff the bath and had to go home for lay down. This stuff works………..sorry tree huggers.

This bathing fetish although beneficial has brought its own set of problems. I have had to buy 4 extra washing machines and dryers to keep up with Kayla’s towel usage. Southern Power have had to install extra electricity and gas supplies in order to maintain the correct amounts of hot water and power for the enhanced laundry facilities. As Kayla is on quite a heavy nocturnal dosage of opiate based pain medication, bathing alone is not recommended.

I therefore have to maintain a life guard service the picture on the right was taken after a 14 hour marathon bathing session, don’t you think I look like a "Bay Watch" hunk? No? Kayla says more like a "Gimp Watch Muppet!"

Dear readers, these aromatherapy baths work. If any of you are in a similar situation to my wife, infirm in pain, insomnia, insane try a lavender bath, it works! Boy does it work!

However, aromatherapy cannot fix either ginger ness or freckles! (Tough luck kids!)

As an end note, this cleanliness and godliness connection must be true! Kayla is now soooooooo clean and soooooo godly. Once recovered from surgery she has been offered to take up the post of the Right Reverend Bishop of Bath and Wells, with options to be put forward for the post of the Archbishop of Canterbury in the New Year.

Take Care

Stu